Safe and Sound
by jess83
Summary: a song fic. season 1 season finale after the bashing. brian tells justin his feelings


I DO NOT OWN THESE CHARACTERS…. THEY BELONG TO SHOWTIME! PLEASE DON'T SUE ME!

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I GOT MY MOJO BACK BABY!

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Brian sat and looked at him through the little hospital window…**_Maybe this is forever, forever fades away_**

When he moved back he caught his reflection in the window…

His face was streaked with tears and the scarf around his neck was soaked with blood…

His blood…

**_Like a rocket ascending into space_**

He had gotten out of surgery a few hours ago and he was hooked up to all these tubes and wires that made it look like he was more of a science experiment than a person…

His mother had gone home to take care of molly about an hour ago, once he was stable…

But he couldn't leave…

When he thought back to only hours before he felt the sting of tears behind his eyes…

**_Could you not be sad, Could you not break down_**

But he blinked a couple of times and they went away…

Brian fuckin Kinney doesn't cry dammit…not for anyone….

But this was different…this…kid…he was different…

**_After all I won't let go _**

**_Until you're safe and sound  
Until you're safe and sound_**

He wasn't just about to leave him…

After all it was his fault that he was laying there…

Almost dead…

If he hadn't gone there…

If he had just forgotten about him…

If fuckin Michael hadn't found him in time….

Maybe he would be in there in place of Justin…

**_There's beauty in release  
There's no one left to please_**

**_But you and me_**

He walked into the room and sat down by the bed…

The monitors beeping and the sound of the respirator were the only noises in the room…

He was just staring at Justin until there was a knock at the door…

"Sir…you're not supposed to be in here…

Visiting hours are over…" said the nurse.

"Fuck off…I …I'm family…" Brian replied…and the nurse left.

He reached for Justin's hand and sighed as it fell limply into his…

**_I don't blame you for quitting  
I know you really try_**

"Justin…" he started…

"Justin…please don't leave me…."

**_If only you could hang on through the night_**

"Please…I…I'm sorry….

I…I didn't mean for this to happen…but…fuck"

Brian used his other hand to wipe the tears from his eyes…

**_I don't want to be lonely_**

"See…look at me…I'm crying…Justin please wake up…."

Brian put Justin's hand to his mouth and gave it a little kiss….

**_I don't want to be scared_**

"Justin…I…I'm scared…I don't want to loose you…"

Brian was now full out crying…

He thought of all those people that were here…

"Everybody came to see you…

Mikey even came when I called him and missed his flight to Portland to see you…

They were all here"

**_All our friends are waiting there _**

**_Until you're safe and sound  
Until you're safe and sound_**

**_There's beauty in release  
There's no one left to please  
But you and me_**

"Justin…

I…I know that you probably can't hear me…and maybe that's a good thing…

But I…I …you make me feel like…I don't know…I've never felt like this before…"

**_Feel like I could've held on  
Feel like I could've let go_**

" You're different and I hope you know that…"

**_Feel like I could've helped you  
Feel like I could've changed you_**

"I fuckin hate seeing you like this…

All hooked up to tubes…

This isn't how it was supposed to be….

I was never supposed to come…

I was supposed to die in the loft…tied to those rafters…but Mikey came and found me and I …if I hadn't gone there…

Then maybe it would be me lying here and not you…

Its all my fault…"

Brian was now sobbing…

He had Justin's hand against his face and he was just holding it there and kissing it…afraid to go any closer to him in fear of hurting him even more…

**_Feel like I could've held you  
Feel like I could've hurt you_**

"If I hadn't gone there then maybe fuckin Hobbs wouldn't have gone psycho…and maybe you would have been ok…"

_**Feel like I was a stranger  
Feel like I was an angel**_

"Fuck Justin…

Why did you have to meet me?

**_Feel like I was a hero  
Feel like I was a zero_**

Why couldn't you have just been some fuckin stranger on the news?

**_Feel like I could have changed you  
Feel like I could have healed you_**

Why did you have to come home with me?

**_Feel like I could have saved you  
Feel like I should've heard you_**

Why couldn't you have just left after I saw you?

**_Feel like I could have moved you  
Feel like I could have changed you_**

Why did you have to make me think that you loved me?

_**Feel like I could have healed you  
Feel like I should've told you**_

Why did you have to make me go and fall in love with you…I'm Brian fuckin Kinney…I don't do love…

**_Feel like I could have loved you  
Feel like I could have loved you  
Feel like I could have loved you_**

But you had to go and change all that…

**_Feel like I really loved you  
Feel like I really loved you  
Feel like I really loved you_**

Fuck Justin…I love you…I do...I really do…more than I have ever loved anything in my life…"

**_Feel like I really loved you  
Feel like I really loved you  
Feel like I really loved you_**

Brian kissed Justin's hand one more time before he got up out of the chair and moved closer to the bed…

He looked at Justin for a minute before he leaned down and softly kissed him on the lips…

He turned around and started walking to the door but stopped and took one more look at his Sunshine….

**_Feel like I could've saved you  
Feel like I could've saved you  
Feel like I could've saved you._**

As he walked out the door he thought he heard the monitors start beeping faster…like Justin knew that Brian wasn't in the room anymore…

_Maybe he could hear me _Brian thought…

And even if he couldn't he would hear all the things Brian had just said one day…

When he was better…

And he would get better dammit…

And Brian would be right there with him the whole way…

Brian sat down in the chair in the hallway outside Justin's room…

All he could do now was wait for his Sunshine to appear from behind the clouds…

And somehow Brian knew…

That it would…

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The song was _Safe and Sound_ By Sheryl Crow. Wow guys…I was just listnin to my Sheryl Crow cd and I had this great idea…well at least I think its great…lol…I almost made myself cry w/ this 1! Hope you like it! 


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